Adults crave quality connections with other adults, where we can have good conversations about the things in life that really matter.

For a variety of reasons, we don’t always have the opportunity to do this; to have these quality connections and conversations. Our schedules become busy with kids, work, commitments, activities, sports, responsibilities, and so on.  We often find ourselves socializing with the people who keep similar schedules in similar spaces. We talk about the things we do or the things we see, but not always what’s going on inside our hearts.

Sharing the yearnings of our hearts–our hopes and dreams, our joys and sorrows, our brokenness in pain and suffering–takes trust, vulnerability, and love.

Trust, vulnerability, and love aren’t characteristics easily found in today’s impersonal, fast paced, technology dependent world.

Yet trust, vulnerability, and love are at the heart of true spirituality, discipleship, and Christian community. Or at least, that’s what Jesus had intended, that’s what St. Paul wrote about, and that’s what Acts of the Apostles describes.

The experience of quality conversations and connections is invigorating; these moments fill our hearts with love, peace, and joy. When the topics touch upon spirituality, discipleship, and Christian living, these conversations are evangelizing–kindling our passion for God.

So when, and where, and how can we find quality connections and quality conversations with other adults?  In today’s Church, we can certainly find this within small faith sharing groups.

My last post explained what a small faith sharing group is.  This post begins with a vision for what kind of experience we want (quality conversations and connections) and will focus on How to implement small faith sharing groups.

Five Keys For Small Faith Sharing Groups

Just because you get a group of people together and give them a topic does not mean you’ll get these fantastic evangelizing conversations and quality connections.  Have you ever been part of a never-ending meeting that goes nowhere?  Or one that devolves into either a therapy session or venting and complaining?

Beyond the logistics of who, where, when (and what to discuss), there needs to be a great deal of attention dedicated to how. I suggest Five Key C’s to cultivating evangelizing conversations and quality connections:

1. Confidentiality – the atmosphere of the small faith sharing group needs to be one of trust, vulnerability, and love.  Whatever is shared in these conversations must not be repeated in any other context.  This is a confidentiality based in agapic-love, willing of another’s good… the only exception to confidentiality is if someone’s life is in danger.  Care and concern for the well-being of another always takes precedence when someone’s life is in danger.
2. Conversation – participants enter into small faith sharing groups with the expectation of conversation.  Good conversations extend from mutual respect.  To get to a place of mutual respect, sometimes “ground rules” need to be made explicit, such as:
   • encourage laughter and joy… but never at the expense of another.
   • express concern for one another… but not by offering advice, criticism, or judgment of others.
   • recognize and validate emotions… but resist the temptation to counsel, advise, or solve problems (unless specifically asked for).
   • honor one another’s time with both brevity (when sharing) and patience (when listening).
3. Coordination through Facilitators – a good facilitator is a good listener and servant/leader.  More than a host or a coordinator that plans the meetings, a good facilitator knows how to:
   • invite everyone’s participation in the conversation… but not force it; no one has an obligation to share.  Some folks are natural talkers who easily share; others are introverts that need time to think and process.  A facilitator’s job is to prevent “conversation ball-hogs” by making sure that everyone has a chance to speak and contribute.
   • be patient as participants share their stories… but also be attentive to staying focused on the discussion topic and keeping the discussion within the time allotted.
4. Conversion and Application to Life – it is easier to talk critical analysis–what you think about a topic–than it is to consider how the material applies to your life.  It’s easier to talk about concepts or other people’s stories than it is to consider how the wisdom of Scripture and Tradition is personally calling you to conversion in your own life.  Faith sharing group discussions are concerned with:
   • How you currently experience [the topic] in your life – whether with success or struggles.
   • Ways in which you feel [the topic] is calling you to live your faith differently or better… a call to action of sorts.
5. Centered on Prayer – Faith sharing groups always need to be centered on our Life-giving, Loving God.  We need to remember to:
   • begin by inviting the Holy Spirit into the discussion.
   • choose discussion material that helps us focus on how the wisdom of the Christian Tradition applies to our lives today.
   • pray over, for, with our brothers and sisters in Christ who are struggling through difficult times… even if it is in the middle of the discussion.
   • end with a prayer of thanksgiving and/or petition.

One last thing to keep in mind when working with adults in a faith sharing group setting: busy adults don’t always have the time to read and prepare.  Or sometimes they do read and prepare, but then time passes, life happens, and they forget.  In a classroom setting, it makes sense to emphasize coming to class prepared.  In a faith sharing group, the focus is on evangelization; quality connections and conversation about faith and life.

To help adults focus their conversation, it’s always a good idea to offer a summary that reminds participants about the key points in the material before opening the discussion.

Faith Sharing with Continuing the Journey

You know what material easily lends itself to small faith sharing group discussion?  That’s right!  My book, Continuing the Journey: Cultivating Lived Faith.

Even more, you know what will help with the Five Key C’s of cultivating evangelizing conversations and quality connections?  My brand new Leader’s Guide.

I believe so strongly in the value of small faith sharing groups that I am offering the Leader’s Guide as either a free PDF (click here), or a hard copy can be mailed to you for $5.99 with free Prime Shipping through Amazon.

Note: all Amazon links include my affiliate link, which means Amazon gives me a couple of extra pennies from your purchase.

Go forth and share your faith!  And let me know if I can be of any help in the process.  In addition to these resources, I am available to offer trainings and workshops for small faith sharing group facilitators.  Just email me!

Blessings and peace as you continue your journey!

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Have you ever been on a spiritual retreat and witnessed that profound change in a person?  Maybe you were on the Team giving the retreat.  Maybe you were a participant.  Maybe that person was you.

That change–that shift–is the work of the Holy Spirit.  It’s a transformation in faith.  And it’s such a privilege to witness… it’s why I do what I do.

It’s the “AH-HA” moment that teachers live for; when we get to be a part of someone making a connection between what they are learning and what they are doing.  They get it… they really get it! In religious education and on retreats, that AH-HA moment is filled with the grace and joy because we have the privilege of participating with the divine.

So we see this transformation in faith happen on a retreat.  We see retreatants come to the end of the retreat on fire with the Holy Spirit, receptive, vulnerable, open, and joyful… and asking us how to continue that retreat experience.

That receptive, vulnerable, open, joyful person on fire with the Holy Spirit is why I wrote Continuing the Journey: Cultivating Lived Faith.  I wrote it for adults to read, reflect, and journal on their own, and then come together to discuss their answers in small faith sharing groups.  It’s not that a person can’t read it on their own–they certainly can!  It’s more that those retreatants on fire with the Holy Spirit need something–deserve something–that can help them keep that fire alive as they return to daily life.

That something is lived faith.  That fire is evangelization.  And a fantastic way to do this is through a small faith sharing group.

What is a “Small Faith Sharing Group”?

Without having a personal experience to reference, the phrase “small faith sharing group” might elicit images of singing Kumbaya around the campfire and professing one’s beliefs.  In case you were concerned: no.  That’s not what this is.

A small faith sharing group is sometimes referred to as a “small church community” because it is a small group of people who come together to discuss their life in conversation with their faith, and their faith in conversation with their life.

While a book club is a group of people who come together to discuss what they (may or may not) have read, a faith sharing group presumes a level of trust and confidentiality as participants discuss meaningful topics that belong to the depths of the soul.

Many retreats involve hearing personal stories about the honest joys and struggles of life and the role of faith. Following a personal story, retreatants are assigned to a small discussion group with a table leader who facilitates, inviting each person to think about how the topics relate to their own life.  This dynamic is what a small faith sharing group is all about, but such experiences need not be exclusive to retreats.

Sometimes small faith sharing groups meet at Church.  Other times, there’s simply no room at the inn (it’s difficult to find meeting space at the Church).  In this case groups might meet in someone’s home or at another place that allows for privacy (like a hotel lobby or a coffee shop).

Where the group meets doesn’t determine its characteristic, rather it’s what is discussed, how it’s discussed, and why it’s discussed.   Actually, the “why” of small faith sharing groups is truly the most important thing.

Why a Small Faith Sharing Group?

Asking “why a small faith sharing group” is really about asking, “what is the goal?”

In a word, the goal is evangelization.  Chapter 2 in Continuing the Journey is about evangelization (which was based on my post “You Keep Using that Word“).  Evangelization is not proselytizing. Rather, it’s about kindling the passion for God that is burning within your heart.  All of us–from faithful Church-goers to those who have strayed from the faith–are in need of tending to our passion for God, lest the fire fades and burns out.  When we are filled with this joy and passion, we gladly share it with others, thus spreading the Good News.  Evangelization is less about “telling others about Christ” and more about sharing the passion, joy, and peace that is at the heart of the Good News.

Small faith sharing groups are evangelizing when they engage participants in discussions about living out their faith in daily life.  A theological classroom encourages intellectual understanding and critical analysis–which is great–but that’s not the goal of a faith sharing group.  A faith sharing group wants participants to apply theological concepts to life.

If the topic is “forgiveness,” the discussion should focus less on what you think about forgiveness and more about your own personal successes and struggles with forgiving others and seeking forgiveness. If the topic involves a Scripture study, the discussion should always include how the passage applies to daily life.

With evangelization as the goal, let’s be clear: the discussions should touch upon some aspect of Scripture and Tradition.  Yet, unlike a classroom with a curriculum, a small faith sharing group is open to the needs of the group and the guidance of the Holy Spirit.  The theological content serves to focus and influence discussion about living out some aspect of the faith.

This focus on faith and spirituality is what makes for deep, soul-talk conversations that distinguish small faith sharing groups from the light and fluffy socialization that we encounter in every other aspect of our lives.  Contemporary society yearns for the substance of Christian faith and spirituality.  Small faith sharing groups take that theological substance and apply it to daily life.

Why are small faith sharing groups so evangelizing?  Because they break down walls and build community. Because they get people excited about living out their faith.  Because they engage people on both a spiritual and social level.

How to Implement Small Faith Sharing Groups?

So the next question is How?  Just because you get a group of people together and give them a topic does not mean you’ll get these fantastic evangelizing conversations.  Have you ever been part of a never-ending meeting that goes nowhere?  Or one that devolves into either a therapy session or venting and complaining?

While this post discussed the What and Why of small faith sharing groups, my next post will give attention to How to implement small faith sharing groups, both with regards to logistics as well as selecting and training good facilitators.

Spoiler alert: I wrote a Leader’s Guide for Continuing the Journey to help.  More on that in my next post!

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We have all sat through bad homilies.  Too many of them.  Too often.

In “Connecting Sermons to Life,” Margery Eagan is spot-on in her criticism of the disconnect between what’s happening in the world and most priests’ homilies at mass.  Between ISIS, Ebola, air strikes in Iraq, climate change, Israel, Gaza, Ukraine, Ferguson, and the NFL’s mess with domestic violence, there’s a lot going on in the world.  The Church needs to help Christians process all of this from a faith perspective.

I could not agree more with this part of Eagan’s criticism.

However, Eagan stepped over a liturgical line by concluding that bad homilies mean that Mass is a “big bust.”

It’s great that Eagen references Pope Francis and “The Joy of the Gospel” when making the case for better homilies.  However, she crosses that liturgical line when she implies that poor preaching and music diminish the mystery of the Mass.

Liturgy is not there to entertain us as passive recipients.  We are invited to participate in the Sacramental grace of the Eucharist through reading the Word, joining in prayer (spoken and sung), and becoming transformed by the power of the Holy Spirit in the Sacrament of the Eucharist.  Our participation in this experience should be the more significant tipping point than the quality of the music or the relevance of the homily.

The presentation Eagan offered was just plain irresponsible.

That said, let’s frame Eagan’s criticism more responsibly:  Bad homilies are a severely missed opportunity.  Poor music is a severely missed opportunity.  

Church people (that means all of us; professional ministers and priests especially, but really all of us) need to stop taking these opportunities for evangelization and catechesis for granted.  We are shirking our responsibility.  Knock it off.

We have three amazing, unique opportunities to reach people: when they match, hatch, and dispatch.  (Read: when they marry, when they baptize their babies, and when we encounter them at the funeral mass for their loved ones.)  If we botch these unique opportunities to embrace people who may be wayward Catholics… if we turn them away from Church by our attitudes… if we offer disconnected, poor homilies, we need to realize that we are partly to blame for the fact that they don’t attend.

So yes, we need to do a better job.  Yes, how we treat the Easter-and-Christmas-Catholics on those over-crowded Church-pew holidays matters.  Yes, the quality of the homily and its connected-ness to our lives and the events in our world matters.  It matters a lot in terms of evangelization and catechesis.

But do not make it sound like these missed opportunities make the Eucharist “a big bust.”  Just no.

York Minster- Catholic Mass by catholicrelics.co.uk licensed under CC BY-NC-SA 2.0

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You know how when you attend a retreat, your heart is brimming with peace, love and joy?  …how you are swimming in an awareness of God’s grace?

Bonus: at the conclusion of the retreat, I headed to the airport to join my family in the Adirondacks for a vacation.  It was the first of four weeks of traveling to visit family; Upstate NY, then Boston/New England, then China, then Malaysia.

My plane boarded; I was all set to nod off and shift into vacation mode.  Except the plane wasn’t leaving the gate… we were waiting for someone’s bags… and the air conditioner was not working unless the plane was moving… in Houston… in July.  For 45 minutes, we sat and waited.  It was hot, humid, sticky, and people were getting cranky.

It’ll be ok, my peaceful retreat inner-voice said (again, and again, and again).  And it was; we finally rolled away, the AC kicked on, and my drink tickets were in hand.

And then I adjusted my watch from Central to Eastern and saw what time it was.  That’s when I realized that while the airline often “makes up the time in the air,” it was unlikely I was going to make my connecting flight unless they held the plane for me.  But of course they’ll hold the plane, right?  Wrong.

Though I managed to dash to the front of the plane upon landing, though I managed to run up the jetway to the terminal, though my connecting flight departed from the gate right-next-door, my connecting flight departed on time, 8 minutes before we landed.

They held my plane for 45 minutes without AC for someone else’s bags, but wouldn’t hold my plane for 8 minutes for me.

That was the moment when the peace, love, and joy of my retreat left me and I went all dragon-lady on the gate agent.

With apologies, the airline set me up with a complimentary hotel stay, a $200 travel voucher, and rebooked me to Albany the next afternoon.  My reunion with my husband and two kids would have to wait.  My vacation would have to wait.

I was deflated, but resigned to accepting the delay, gin and tonic in hand.  I prayed that this might be THE only travel snag for the next month.  (Spoiler alert: it wasn’t.)

A good friend commented on my FaceBook post with two sentences that changed my whole outlook on this turn of events:

•  Recall a time when you were struggling, and someone (or something) prompted a change in perspective.  What was the struggle?  Who or what prompted the change?  Why were you able to hear that prompting?

Reading that Facebook comment was a graced moment for me.  It increased my awareness and openness to a plan that was not my own.  It allowed me to embrace possibilities.  It empowered me to relax, enjoy, and reconnect with God.

Grace is like divine assistance: God invites us to cooperate with Him to accomplish great things, and offers us grace to make that possible (CCC, 1996).  With grace, God works in, and with, and through us.  When we are open to God’s grace, we participate in the divine (CCC, 1997).  But as St. Augustine pointed out, God’s grace is God’s; we do not control it.

When it comes to grace, sometimes we need to pray: “Here I am Lord, I come to do your will” (Hebrews 10:9; Psalm 40:8-9) and remember that grace means God works in, through, and with us.

Other times we need to pray for an awareness of (and openness to) God’s grace, “Speak, Lord, for your servant is listening” (1 Samuel 3:10).

In any given day, most of us need to pray for both!

•  Identify some of the people, places, and things that help increase your awareness of God’s grace.


•  Identify some of the ways you have participated in God’s grace this week (or month… or year).


•  Right now, when it comes to God’s grace, what do you need to pray for?

23:50 by Ondra Soukup licensed under CC BY-NC-SA 2.0

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For the longest time, when I’d hear the word evangelization, I’d crinkle my nose, thinking it meant proselytizing.  I knew my Church, my faith, my God “called” me to do this thing called evangelization, but really, I’d rather not.   The thing is that the popes, starting with Paul VI, then JP II, then Benedict XVI, and now Pope Francis keep writing and preaching about the “new evangelization.” Not only was this “evangelization” thing not going away, each of these popes keep renewing our call to do it.  (More uncomfortable shifting in my chair.)

Turns out my understanding of evangelization was off.  Way off.  Well kind of off.

Background

Let’s start with a better understanding of evangelization; a definition which honors the intention, style, and practice of the apostles.  Evangelization is about kindling the burning desire for God in our hearts.

From the beginning, evangelization meant bringing the Good News of the Gospel to every corner of the earth.  The call to do this is in Scripture (at the very end of the Gospel of Matthew), and we call it The Great Commission.

However, evangelization was never meant to be equated with the forceful, negative, judgmental practice of proselytizing.  Because, as you may know, that’s not how Jesus did things.

Evangelization is about kindling the burning desire for God in our hearts.  Proselytizing is focused on the surface experience of getting someone to agree with you that your religion, belief, or opinion is the right one.  We are not called to proselytize.  We are called to evangelize.

Renewed Understanding

Even better, the “new evangelization” that all these popes have talked about explicitly recognizes that there are actually three distinct groups in need of evangelization:

1. NEVER BEFORE – those who have never before heard the Good News
2. ONCE MORE – those who are regular, committed faithful who are in need of rekindling their passion for God.  For many, the fire is there, but it wanes.  For others, it’s less of a fire and more of a flame.
3. THIS TIME WITH FEELING – those who (for whatever reason) have left the Church and are “searching” for something… are considering coming back… are unsure…  and are in need of kindling that passion, as well as direction, education, healing, etc.

Each of us falls somewhere in here.  Chances are, if you’re reading this, you’re somewhere between #2 and #3.  Think about that: Where on this continuum would you place yourself?

How

What I love most about this renewed understanding of evangelization is that there are many, many legitimate ways to evangelize.

Start with yourself.  Ask yourself: What fuels my own passion for God? And then (presuming it’s life-giving and loving) do that thing.  Here’s a list of ideas:

• Go do service (visit the sick or elderly, help the homeless, build homes at Habitat for Humanity)
• Participate in your Church (sing, read, serve, pray, adore)
• Learn about your faith – see what classes or book studies you could participate in
• Spend time being intentionally present to your friends, family, children, siblings, and parents.  Nurture relationships.
• Do the thing God called you to do–that thing that fills your heart–and praise God for joy
• Go on a retreat
• Spend time in nature, thanking God for the gift of Creation
• What else would you add to this list

Because the funny thing about evangelization is that it’s contagious.  When you tend to the fire within your own heart, your passion for God spills out into the hearts of others.

• So what will you to today to kindle the fire of your passion for God?

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