My kids, ages 8 and 9 1/2, were registered to do their third Kids-Triathlon.

First Tri in 2014

Second Tri in 2015

And then three weeks before the race this year, my youngest, Max, broke his arm (for the second time in 8 months–this time while playing the-floor-is-lava).

He was disappointed that he couldn’t do the tri, but understood.  There were tears, but Max has a positive, fun, jovial disposition.  While others might sulk, he had a moment of sad, then moved on to joking and cheering… until the night before the race, when he started to cry.  Overcome with disappointment, he cried, “I weally wanted to do this twiathlon…”

I had a choice: I could tell him to simply chin-up and deal with the consequences of his broken arm, I could join him in his devastation and call off his brother’s tri, or I could meet him with compassion and find a way to help him work through it.

And we eagerly waited his return…

After a while I knew something was wrong; it was taking too long.

Finally Max spotted him off in the distance.

Crying, he ran his bike through the end of the course, into transition.

So I took him by the hand and walked him over to his coach.  A multiple Ironman, multiple ultra-marathon (100 mile) finisher, who coached kids at the YMCA for free, just to share his love of the sport.  A grandfather, who loves kids as much as he loves the sport… who is one of the best examples of coaching that this professional educator has ever witnessed in her life.

And this Ironman Coach Grandpa explains to Alex that his determination to finish–that he didn’t just give up–was one of the most inspirational things he had ever seen.

Still, Alex couldn’t understand.  Still, Alex couldn’t comprehend.  So Coach Grandpa asked if he could take a picture and post his story on Facebook.  Because he was certain that there were other Triathletes that would find inspiration from this 9 year old.

We packed up and headed home.  And I insisted that Alex read the comments on Coach Grandpa and my own Facebook posts.  For some reason, when he started to read the comments of strangers who were moved by the fact that he still finished the race, things started to shift for him.  “Wow.”

Why is it that we doubt the words of those who love us, but accept the words of those we don’t know?

Regardless, those words were heard.  The affirmations of strangers were heard.  The encouragement of his Coach was heard.  And Alex started to look at his Triathlon in a new light.

Where he once saw failure, he started to see determination.

Where he once saw frustration, he started to see success.

And I finally let myself cry, but not for hurt, or pain, or disappointment.  Rather for pride.

What may have been my son’s worst experience ever may have been the proudest Mom-moment of my life.

Because he finished.

Not because he won, but because he didn’t give up.  He finished.

My son faced adversity, felt the full brunt of it, and said to himself, “I could quit, but it’s only another 1/2 mile.  I can make it.”

And he did.  He finished.

There are so many lessons I take from this experience.

• From Max who at 8 years old allowed himself to feel intense disappointment, yet didn’t let it consume him… rather, he chose to cheer on his friends.
• From Alex, my tenacious 9 1/2 year old, who didn’t give up.
• From perfect strangers who not only found inspiration from Alex’s story, but who took the time to applaud his tenacity.
• From a man who volunteers his time, talent, and treasure to help kids find success with and develop a love of his sport.
• From my husband who sees the moments of real, in-the-trenches-mothering, applauds them, and captures them on film.

When Jesus said to love one another as I have loved you… this is what he meant.  Yes, my kid did a great job at overcoming adversity, but he wouldn’t have been able to do it without you and me. When Jesus said “whatever you do to the least of my brothers and sisters, you do to me,” this is part of that.

As a Mom, when I love my kid in his time of need, I’m being Christ to him.  As a community, when you reach out to someone with encouragement and love, you’re being Christ to him.  You are loving one another as Christ loved us.

This is it.  Right here, right now.  And we did it.  He finished.  And he’s proud because of you.  So thank you.

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Think about the best teacher, leader, or boss you’ve ever worked with.  Who was it?  What was it that made them such a good leader?  On the flip-side, think about that experience with someone who was a rather poor leader, teacher, or boss?  What were the characteristics or behaviors that made it so?

A few months ago, I was preparing to teach two separate groups of people two distinct lessons:  during the day, a Godly Play session on “The Good Shepherd” for 3-6 year olds at my kids’ Montessori school and later that night, a Catechism class for adults on the Sacraments.   What I thought were two different lessons turned out to be an opportunity to gain a deeper insight by looking at them together.

The Good Shepherd

The Good Shepherd story from Godly Play weaves several Scripture passages into one story, primarily from Psalm 23, John 10:1-16, and the Parable of the Lost Sheep (Matthew 18:12-14, Luke 15:1-7).

The words and materials used to tell the story of the Good Shepherd are very intentional, but not identical to the translation we may be used to hearing at Mass or reading in the Bible.  Therein, they communicate the underlying truth to children in a remarkable way.  The Good Shepherd loves, cares for, and leads his sheep.  He protects them and looks for them when they are lost.

The storyteller explains the Good Shepherd’s relationship with his sheep, and then introduces “the ordinary shepherd” who neither knows their names nor leads them.  Instead, the sheep wander and scatter.  The story concludes by driving home the distinction between the Good Shepherd and the ordinary shepherd:

But that’s the thing: the “wolf” is the bad guy in the story.  It is the ordinary shepherd that Jesus distinguishes himself from.

Sacraments

Later that night I taught my Catechism for Adults class, covering the chapter on Liturgy which sets the stage for talking about Sacraments; after all, every Sacrament occurs within a liturgy.  It is not just the gestures and substance which make for the Sacrament; it is also the prayers we say and the Word of God we read in Scripture that makes it a real gift of God’s grace.

When it comes to celebrating the Sacraments, one of the most basic questions that we need to answer is Who celebrates the liturgy.  Unfortunately, we usually get the answer wrong by saying “the priest.”  Who celebrates the liturgy?  We all do.  The entire Body of Christ.

Liturgy is not private prayer, but public, requiring “full, conscious and active participation” of all faithful (CCC 1141, SC 14).

The idea that all of us are expected to participate actively in each liturgy, and that this is holy “work,” not entertainment or a spectator event is a vital understanding to bring to any study of both the Liturgy and the Sacraments.

Too often, we approach Mass as a spectator sport.  And it’s not.

We judge the value of the liturgy by the quality of the homily and/or the music.  And we miss the point.

Moreover, when we translate that “spectator sport” mentality into the Sacraments, we set ourselves up to treat Sacramental grace like some sort of magic to befall instead of the gift of God’s grace that they are.

A lot of these attitudes have to do with our expectations of leadership.

Leadership

Recall the questions above: think about the experiences you have had throughout your life with leaders: teachers, bosses, managers, and the like.  Think about the characteristics and qualities of good leaders.  Good leaders…

• Take the time, effort, and energy to teach and empower people
• Encourage creativity
• Appreciate individual strengths
• Facilitate growth
• Allow people to make mistakes and learn from them
• Practice good communication skills, both in expressing themselves and in understanding others
• Care about their people
• Value responsibility, honesty, integrity, and hard work
• Offer assistance when needed
• Create atmospheres of mutual respect
• Approaches leadership as form of service [servant-leader]
• Has a big-picture sense of mission and vision
• Can you add to this list?

On the flip side, we find it easy to complain about “poor” leaders:

• Micro-manage every aspect of people’s work
• Overly strict
• Diminish freedom and creativity
• Make people feel small and insignificant – like a replaceable cog in the wheel
• Control others through fear or manipulation
• Non-communicative
• Self-centered, arrogant, and egotistical
• Narrow-Minded
• Can you add to this list?

Notice this list describes the “poor” leader.  Not the “bad” leaders with malicious intent or “evil” dictators.

Take it to the next step.  Recall the description of the Good Shepherd; see how the list of characteristics of the Good Leader help flesh out the way in which Jesus as the Good Shepherd leads us.

Now look at the description of the poor leader and notice how it reflects the ordinary shepherd.

The Connection

When it comes to our understanding of Liturgy and Sacraments, it is very important that we check in with our expectations: Do we expect the priest to micromanage our experience of Liturgy and Sacraments, making it happen for us?  Or do we enter into the experience of Liturgy and Sacraments expecting the leadership of the Good Shepherd who empowers us to participate in receiving God’s grace?

The Sacraments are not magical things that happen to us.

One way to think about the empowering leadership of the Good Shepherd is to think of the Sacraments with what’s been called a bumper-sticker theology:

Without God, we can’t.  We need God’s grace.  We cannot do it without God’s help.

The Good Shepherd wants to lead you.  But to really make it work, you’ve got to want it too.

sheep panorama by Arend licensed under CC BY 2.0

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