Action, Evangelization, Faith, Grace, Life

Stuck at the Gate? or Open to Grace.

You know how when you attend a retreat, your heart is brimming with peace, love and joy? …how you are swimming in an awareness of God’s grace?

Grace is the free and undeserved help that God gives us (CCC, 1996).

Well, for the retreat I attended, I had just written a book on how to continue that retreat experience—Continuing the Journey—and distributed it to my first group of readers. I was not only on that retreat-high, I was on the precipice of a new chapter in my life.

And I was exhausted. But it was that good kind of tired where the adrenaline starts to fade and your entire body begins to relax. And there was all that grace.

Grace is a participation in the life of God (CCC, 1997).

Bonus: at the conclusion of the retreat, I headed to the airport to join my family in the Adirondacks for a vacation. It was the first of four weeks of traveling to visit family; Upstate NY, then Boston/New England, then China, then Malaysia.

Read More Julie Dienno-Demarest Sep 9,2014

Morality

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Morality Part 5: What Makes a Sin a Sin

It was a Theology Q&A session on a retreat – a safe environment. Participants were encouraged to write down their questions on any faith-related topic and submit them anonymously. The group was encouraged to raise hands and ask additional questions if needed. This was their time. There were over 30 retreatants, plus the team; women ranging from their early 20’s to their early 80’s. When the topic of sin came up, you could feel the emotional intensity in the room. As each question was answered, seven more hands shot up asking more questions.

When people ask,“Is it a mortal sin if…”more often than not, they are asking out of fear. Somewhere along the line they learned that ___ was a mortal sin, and if you did [it], you were going to hell. Some ask the question while thinking about their own behavior; others ask out of concern for a loved one.

Struggling with the concept of sin–and the fear of hell that accompanies it–can really damage a person’s faith, which is why this post is so important.

In Morality Part 1, I explained that When we say something is a “sin” it’s because it damages our relationship with God; not because it is “breaking the rules.” It damages our relationship because it is either directly aimed at hurting God or at hurting those whom God loves. And as Morality Part 4 explained, it’s only a sin if you know what you’re doing is wrong and you are doing it of your own free will.

Read More Julie Dienno-Demarest May 7,2014

Morality

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Morality Part 4: Form, Inform, and Follow

When I do laundry, after washing and drying, I’ll transport the clean clothes to the couch. The couch and coffee table are my folding zone, a task I’ll tackle while watching Netflix, talking on the phone, or visiting with a close friend (one whom I am secure enough to expose my family’s laundry to). The reality is that the folding does not happen immediately. Often the couch is buried amid several loads of clean laundry. Yes, I’ll get to it. Eventually. The thing is that my kids will want to actually use the couch to sit on, despite the piles of clean laundry. Sometimes I take a little too long to get around to folding; I take responsibility for this.

Other times, like today, I’m within the margin of acceptable laundry-folding time. Regardless, the clean laundry got knocked off the couch by one of my kids.

Me: Who knocked the laundry basket off the couch and onto the floor?

Max: I fink I did it. I’m sowwy, Mommy. I didn’t mean to.

I know that he didn’t intentionally, maliciously knock my laundry on the floor, but still. He could’ve been more careful. And even if it was an accident, he could’ve fixed it.

While laundry on the couch isn’t one of the most pressing moral issues of our time, this conversation with my 6 year-old does provide a framework for examining moral responsibility.

Read More Julie Dienno-Demarest May 5,2014

Morality

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Morality Part 3: Forming Your Conscience

I have my Grandmom’s chin. So does my mother, my aunts and uncles, most of my cousins, and my younger son. When I was a teen, I noticed that Grandmom’s sister, Aunt Helen has this same chin, and when she agrees with you on something, she sticks out that pointy chin, presses her lips together, and v-e-r-y slowly nods her head three or four times. Then I noticed that Grandmom often does the same thing. And so does my Mom. And now I even do it.

There are things we pick up from our family of origin whether we like it or not. Some of them are innocuous and make us smile. Other times, it’s a bad habit–or worse an immoral behavior.

What if a person was raised in a racist home? How can we say that’s wrong if that’s what they were taught?

When discussing morality, lots of attention is given to the importance of following one’s conscience. In Morality Part 2, I explained the difference between conscience and superego.

Superego has its place in forming our conscience, but they are not the same thing. From childhood to adulthood, we must transition from an external voice of moral authority to listening to the inner voice of our conscience. The Greek philosopher Plato explored this idea in both The Republic and Meno. Recognizing that one’s conscience reflects genuine internal decision, he asked:

Can you teach someone to be virtuous?

You can teach someone what is right, but for them to be truly virtuous, they must actually choose it for themselves. So how do we actually teach virtue? We teach virtue in three different ways, during three different stages of life.

Read More Julie Dienno-Demarest May 2,2014

Morality

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Morality Part 2: Mercy, Motivation, and Conscience

In Morality Part 1, I explained how morality was about relationship, not rules. Part 2 will begin to explore moral responsibility and the role of conscience. But first, a word about mercy.

Yesterday, when I backed the car out of the driveway, I was too close to the neighbor’s fence and clipped, shattered, and broke off the side-view mirror.

Why? There was no good reason. I wasn’t distracted or stressed. I have no one to blame but myself. I literally hung my head in shame as I showed my husband what I had done. Worse yet, I misread the text message that my friend sent. She hadn’t asked me to pick her up; she had offered to pick me up.

I wasn’t even supposed to be backing out of the driveway. The feeling of stupidity stung.

My husband was more merciful and compassionate to me that I was to myself. “Try not to do that again,” he said as he hugged me. He knew I was sorry.

As I tried to moved beyond self-condemnation to being present to the rest of my day (and of course figuring out the details of getting the car fixed) I thought a lot about my own practice of showing mercy, especially with my kids.

Read More Julie Dienno-Demarest Apr 28,2014

Stuck at the Gate? or Open to Grace.

Morality Part 5: What Makes a Sin a Sin

Morality Part 4: Form, Inform, and Follow

Morality Part 3: Forming Your Conscience

Morality Part 2: Mercy, Motivation, and Conscience

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